Scrambled Eggs.
In every relationship I’ve had with a boyfriend there’s always one or more friends, who can’t be happy or quiet for their guy friend when they have a girlfriend. Usually the guy or guys, are single. It doesn’t matter how nice you are, or the fact that you LOVE their best friend, there is something to be complained about.
For me it’s been everything to the length of my hair not being womanly, to the fact I didn’t go to church, or the fact I don’t smoke weed or was too honest, to the fact I wasn’t chill or laid back and too “wifey”. I’ve been compared to the girlfriends of others and how I’m not like them and should be. But I’m here to say, why can’t they just be happy and quiet? I’m all for my boyfriend having bro time, and I don’t mind being around his friends, but the minute I leave the gang, you don’t need to open a can of worms about me or our relationship. Especially when I’m nothing but nice to you, but here I was again this weekend, and what was the problem this time you wonder? I opened a drink and didn’t finish it, I ordered food that my boyfriend paid for, and didn’t eat a lot of it. Thus, making me disrespectful. Oh, and I have a lot of stuff.
Forget the fact I offered to cook you breakfast (and made a special trip to get breakfast food), offered you a pillow and blanket to sleep with, made cupcakes and inquired about your life, and closed the blinds so you guys could sleep peacefully.
You don’t owe me the world by any means, but you do owe your friend and his relationship privacy. I could understand the scrutiny if I spit in everyones food, or I had dogs fight for a living, but at the end of the day you’re judging me on a drink and food, and personal belongings.
Deep down I think these types of guys don’t want their friend to be happy, or it stems from a place of jealousy. With my boyfriend’s friend I’ve experienced this twice. A few months back I was being affectionate to my boyfriend while we all were out, and soon after his friend started browsing okcupid asking for our opinion on the girls he was finding and how’d he’d love to date. A few dates later that went sour, and he suddenly loves being alone, and is happy alone. I don’t think that’s true. Fast forward yesterday, my boyfriend’s other friend is talking to his gf on the phone while we’re all browsing a thrift store, my boyfriend asks where this friend is, and the negative friend replies in an annoyed manner that he walked off to talk to his girlfriend because she called him and misses him.
Said friend hasn’t had a girlfriend since college, and I can imagine at times it must be annoying to be single. But at the same time, he judges every girl within his distance, everything from hair color, to body type, to personality. He should be given score cards for how critical he is of the female sex. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, he’s smart, he’s funny, and he’s loyal and honest to his friends, but as my mother used to say… if you have nothing nice to say, it’s better to not say anything at all.
This burns my bridge because it’s unhealthy for my relationship, and it deeply hurts and offends me, especially when I’m nothing but hospitable towards you. You don’t have to love me, but you have to understand I love your friend. Maybe I didn’t drink because I had a stomach ache, maybe because it was too late and I decided I should be sober just incase, maybe I didn’t eat because I still had a stomach ache, but was hoping I could still try. And maybe I didn’t feel comfortable to annouce all that stuff infront of guys, and maybe I wanted everyone to have a good time.
Furthermore, I do have a lot of things, and yes there are boxes I’m still dealing with. But moving across states, and moving all your stuff to mesh with someone elses stuff, is exhausting. It’s not easy, especially when they haven’t dealt with all their stuff from their move. Let alone lets not mention the extremes of how a move like this feels. On one end it’s new and exciting, but it’s also scary and uncomfortable because you left home for one important person. You don’t know the roads, and you haven’t seen your family in a month and a half, who were a big root of your happiness and comfort. People are different, food is different, everything is different and it’s terribly overwhelming. The stress and wait of applying for jobs, job interviews where you have no idea where you’re going and get lost at, phone tag with store managers and district managers. And just moving in with your s.o takes some getting used to. It doesn’t mean I disrepect him, it means I’m stressed out and have had a big life change. All I know is, I love him. And ultimately, we did this, because we wanted to be together. So just be happy for us. That’s what good friends do.
